Kenyan woman lands country in diplomatic row with Rwanda over paddedunderwear

By Mark Mutahi

Monday, April 6th 2015 
A Kenyan woman has landed her country in a diplomatic row with Rwanda following an ugly incident involving a padded underwear. The woman, on her way to Kigali, was deported after it was discovered she was wearing butt pads.
Apparently, plastics are banned in Rwanda and the underwear with butt pads happens to be made from high-density polyurethane foam rubber which is not only considered an environmental pollutant in the Central African nation, but also an eyesore.

After being informed of the incident, Kenyan envoys in Rwanda went on the warpath. “This is a backward attempt to humiliate us... they want to stop our woman visiting Rwanda just because of a plastic attached to their underwear? Nonsense!” one of the Kenyan diplomats tweeted. “We will stand behind our woman... we don’t care whether relations between the two countries hit rock bottom! They are just jealous because our women have big, shapely behinds than theirs!”

The Kenyan diplomat not only promised support for the woman, but went on to add they won’t turn the other cheek, thus hinting at possible retaliation. Analysts say among the retaliatory measures the diplomatic officials could employ include pelting the Rwandese embassy offices with cow dung to demonstrate what a load of crap their action of deporting the Kenyan was.Contacted after the incident immigration officials at the Kigali Airport revealed how they nabbed the woman who tried to flout the plastic ban. “One of our newest male recruit absent-mindedly knocked a colleague’s cup of tea while staring at the Kenyans’ backside,” revealed a Rwandese official who sought anonymity.

See Also: IMF says Rwanda to expand by 6.5pc

“We then visited several Kenyan gossip websites but alas, she wasn’t a socialite as we had initially thought... that’s when we deployed our butt pad scanner, which is equipped with the latest technology. While we were prepared to find sachets of drugs in her behind, to our horror we found it was something Rwandans have banned plastics!”
A source also revealed that the woman had earlier caused a stir in Nairobi at the departures terminal with most of the departing flights delayed as male travellers kept everyone waiting as they desperately tried to catch a glimpse of the woman’s posterior.
Following the diplomatic furore over a piece of rubber, experts on matters padded underwear termed the incident historic, saying it is the first time the said garment has caused a diplomatic tiff. “It shows wars in future will be ignited by the tiniest of things... or the biggest of things!” said one of the experts.
Pressed for comment, the thoroughly humiliated Kenyan woman threatened to sue the offending immigration officials for embarrassing her by revealing to the world that her backside is not actually what her momma gave her, but from a factory in China.
To her consolation the manufacturer of the butt pad she was wearing has promised to replace the ones that were confiscated and to provide more for the rest of her life or as long as she needs to engage in deception. As for the woman’s male admirers who learnt of the incident, they all expressed shock and disappointment.
“I always thought it was her genes,” revealed a man who had been stalking her on social media, but who now with the new development immediately ‘unfriended’ her. “To realise now that it was all fake is very deflating!” There was a silver lining though with men now realising there’s technology that can separate the fake from the real.
Some men, mostly victims, have even contacted this journalist, seeking contacts of the Rwandese officials so that they can be advised on where to get butt pad scanners for their own private use.